A lover of Wisdom

So, gentle reader, have you ever woken up in the morning and just stayed in bed for a few minutes?  Then,  out of nowhere, you start stretching?  AND IT IS THE BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD?!  It is the feeling of possibility.

And that's how I feel today.

However.  Rather than pen a lengthy sermon about all the billion reasons why I love the Dominican Dumb Ox, I'd simply like to describe one:

his simple love of the Eucharist.

First of all, Fr. Robert Barron is one of the reasons I love St. Thomas Aquinas; the Catholicism Project is imbued with Thomist theology.  Well, him and the Holy Spirit.  Aquinas, the spiritual tank of all tanks and intellectual genius (two things I find most attractive), had a simple, gentle, and childlike love for our Beautiful Lord.

There are so many things that I love about this Saint, but learning this little fact nearly made my heart melt and explode at the same time.  I love it when I can relate personally to my saints.

It's said that while Aquinas was writing the Summa, whenever he would struggle with the questions, he would visit the chapel and "lean his head against the Tabernacle, as if to feel the throbbing of Jesus' divine and human heart."

Hold up, wait a minute.

Now, if you know anything about living in community, you know it's pretty impossible.  It'll stretch you in a lot of different ways, not only in having to deal with other people (and LOVE them), but also because you have to face the reality of who you are and what's going on around you.

I remember the first time that I just couldn't take it anymore on CYE staff.  It was my first summer, and I felt like a failure at everything.  I was experiencing a dark night of the soul (but I didn't know it at the time), and I felt incredibly lost and alone.  Well, one night at the end of summer, after spending a few hours on a media project, I finally broke down around 11pm.  I didn't know what else to do, so I ran to the chapel, plopped down in front of the tabernacle, put my forehead on the concrete slab that holds it up, and bawled my freaking eyes out.  All I wanted was to be held by Jesus, to be as close to Him as possible, and the closest I could get was by clinging to a cold concrete slab.  But the chill of the stone quickly faded as I thought of myself, much like John, laying my head on the chest of Christ, with my ear inches from His most Sacred Heart just after He's washed my feet and fed me.

Gorgeous.

For the remainder of that summer, and the next, I continued this little practice whenever I felt so overwhelmed and anxious that I just needed to cry.  Then, I moved in to Bethany house for Missionary Internship.  There was a cute little baby tabernacle in there, mounted on a plant stand with a nice cloth on it.  Not much to cling to, and little frageeelie, but it did the job, especially when I felt like a huge failure and came to a pretty heart-breaking realization about my parents at the end of the summer.

To cling, just to snuggle up to Christ and cling, press my ear against His chest and be comforted by His Heart like a little child.  It doesn't take any intellect, or reason, or 512 questions and answers to do that, and Aquinas had them all.

Humility, trust, and charity trumps all.

And this.  This is one of the main reasons that I am completely in love with this Saint.  I've also been thinking about joining the Angelic Warfare Confraternity for a while.

DON'T FORGET TO FEAST!

O merciful God,

grant that I may ever perfectly

do Your Will in all things.

Let it be my ambition to work

only for Your honor and glory.

Let me rejoice in nothing

but what leads to You,

nor grieve for anything

that leads away from You.

May all passing things

be as nothing in my eyes,

and may all that is Yours

be dear to me,

and You, my God,

dear above them all.

May all joy be

meaningless without You

and may I desire

nothing apart from You.

May all labor and toil

delight me when it is for You.

Make me, O Lord,

obedient without complaint,

poor without regret,

patient without murmur,

humble without pretense,

joyous without frivolity,

and truthful without disguise.

Give me, O God,

an ever watchful heart

which nothing can ever

lure away from You;

a noble heart,

which no unworthy affection

can draw downwards to the earth;

an upright heart,

which no evil can warp;

an unconquerable heart,

which no tribulation can crush;

a free heart,

which no perverted affection

can claim for its own.

Bestow on me, O God,

understanding to know You,

diligence to seek You,

and wisdom to find You;

a life which may please You,

and a hope which may

embrace You at the last.

Amen.

Doctor Angelicus, ora pro nobis.