Splinters & Planks

(Disclaimer:  I was incredibly melancholic when I began writing this, but, like most of my writing, the Spirit consumed me somewhere near the end of the process, and it turned fiery and choleric.  Also, I’m not going to play the freaking gender-inclusive pronoun game.  Gossip runs rampant among females (I’m not saying that guys don’t gossip), and I’m a girl.  Therefore, I’m using feminine pronouns.  Deal with it.  Have fun!)

So I’m sitting here at this phenomenal place called Gesú House in Racine.  One of the other great posts that I wrote was in anticipation of another musical artist, and, my dear reader, I believe this one is going to be a humdinger.  Not quite sure how I’ll do in an hour whilst waiting for Kevin to do his sound check, holy squirrely distraction, Batman!

Ok.  So.  The focus today is a topic that hasn’t ceased to plague my conscience for a while now.  I know I’m going to get yelled at for this post, mostly from other people, but slightly from myself.  It’s pretty passive-aggressive, and I hate passive aggressiveness.   I might care depending on who’s doing the yelling, but, most likely, it’ll all bounce off me like a breaker.  I’ve prayed, mulled, read, and pretty much everything else about this topic for a long time.  It needs to be said.  It is Biblical.  It is Truth.

Christians who gossip are not Christian.

Let’s explicate. 

First, from Scripture:

Luke 12:57

I love the book of Sirach.  This book has really smacked me in the face in the past:

3:21What is too sublime for you, do not seek; do not reach into things that are hidden from you.

22:27- set a guard over my mouth, an effective seal on my lips, That I may not fail through them,

and my tongue may not destroy me.

5:13 - Honor and dishonor through speaking!  The tongue can be your downfall.

Proverbs has a lot to say on the tongue: 4:24, 11:13, 16:28, 18:8*, 26:20, 26:22*

*exactly the same.  And what does it mean when something is repeated in scripture?  It's important.  

Ephesians 5:3-4, 6

1 Timothy 3:11

Titus 2:3

Also Luke 10:26-27.

Next: the Catechism of the Catholic Church.   

Oh, and, if you think that I’m just blindly following some rules recorded by the stuffy dead guys of the Church, think again.  These things don’t tell me how to think, they illuminate very common and OBVIOUS truths. 

2467 Man tends by nature toward the truth. He is obliged to honor and bear witness to it: "It is in accordance with their dignity that all men, because they are persons . . . are both impelled by their nature and bound by a moral obligation to seek the truth, especially religious truth. They are also bound to adhere to the truth once they come to know it and direct their whole lives in accordance with the demands of truth."²⁶¹

2468 Truth as uprightness in human action and speech is called truthfulness, sincerity, or candor. Truth or truthfulness is the virtue which consists in showing oneself true in deeds and truthful in words, and in guarding against duplicity, dissimulation, and hypocrisy.

2469 "Men could not live with one another if there were not mutual confidence that they were being truthful to one another."²⁶² The virtue of truth gives another his just due. Truthfulness keeps to the just mean between what ought to be expressed and what ought to be kept secret: it entails honesty and discretion. In justice, "as a matter of honor, one man owes it to another to manifest the truth."²⁶³

2472 The duty of Christians to take part in the life of the Church impels them to act as witnesses of the Gospel and of the obligations that flow from it. This witness is a transmission of the faith in words and deeds. Witness is an act of justice that establishes the truth or makes it known.²⁶⁸
All Christians by the example of their lives and the witness of their word, wherever they live, have an obligation to manifest the new man which they have put on in Baptism and to reveal the power of the Holy Spirit by whom they were strengthened at Confirmation.

2479 Detraction and calumny destroy the reputation and honor of one's neighbor. Honor is the social witness given to human dignity, and everyone enjoys a natural right to the honor of his name and reputation and to respect. Thus, detraction and calumny offend against the virtues of justice and charity.

2480 Every word or attitude is forbidden which by flattery, adulation, or complaisance encourages and confirms another in malicious acts and perverse conduct. Adulation is a grave fault if it makes one an accomplice in another's vices or grave sins. Neither the desire to be of service nor friendship justifies duplicitous speech. Adulation is a venial sin when it only seeks to be agreeable, to avoid evil, to meet a need, or to obtain legitimate advantages.

2481 Boasting or bragging is an offense against truth. So is irony aimed at disparaging someone by maliciously caricaturing some aspect of his behavior.

2485 By its very nature, lying is to be condemned. It is a profanation of speech, whereas the purpose of speech is to communicate known truth to others. the deliberate intention of leading a neighbor into error by saying things contrary to the truth constitutes a failure in justice and charity. the culpability is greater when the intention of deceiving entails the risk of deadly consequences for those who are led astray.

2488 The right to the communication of the truth is not unconditional. Everyone must conform his life to the Gospel precept of fraternal love. This requires us in concrete situations to judge whether or not it is appropriate to reveal the truth to someone who asks for it.

2489 Charity and respect for the truth should dictate the response to every request for information or communication. The good and safety of others, respect for privacy, and the common good are sufficient reasons for being silent about what ought not be known or for making use of a discreet language. the duty to avoid scandal often commands strict discretion. No one is bound to reveal the truth to someone who does not have the right to know it.²⁸²
 

Definitions*

Next, let’s head down etymological lane.  I looked up the history of the word, Gossip,on one of my favorite websites, and found some interesting words associated with it. 

*all definitions taken from the New Oxford American dictionary via apple Dictionary or dictionary.com.  Etymologies from www.etymonline.com

 

Gossip: noun

casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people, typically involving details that are not confirmed as being true : he became the subject of much local gossip.

• chiefly derogatory a person who likes talking about other people's private lives.

verb 

engage in gossip : they would start gossiping about her as soon as she left.

DERIVATIVES

gossiper noun

gossipy  adjective

ORIGIN late Old English godsibb [godfather, godmother, baptismal sponsor,] literally [a person related to one in God,] from god ‘God’ + sibb ‘a relative’ (see sib ). In Middle English the sense was [a close friend, a person with whom one gossips,] hence [a person who gossips,] later (early 19th cent.) [idle talk] (from the verb, which dates from the early 17th cent.).

Flibbertigibbet: noun

a frivolous, flighty, or excessively talkative person.

ORIGIN late Middle English : probably imitative of idle chatter.

Quidnunc: noun archaic

an inquisitive and gossipy person.

ORIGIN early 18th cent.: from Latin quid nunc? ‘what now?’

Two-faced: adjective

insincere and deceitful.

Backbiting |ˈbakˌbīti ng | noun

malicious talk about someone who is not present.

And, also, some words from the catechism that need defining:

Detraction: noun

the act of disparaging or belittling the reputation or worth of a person, work, etc.

Calumny: noun  plural cal·um·nies.

1.a false and malicious statement designed to injure the reputation of someone or something: The speech was considered a calumny of the administration.

2. the act of uttering calumnies; slander; defamation.

Duplicity: noun

1 deceitfulness; double-dealing.

2 archaic doubleness.

ORIGIN late Middle English : from Old French duplicite or late Latin duplicitas, from Latin duplic- ‘twofold’ (see duplex ).

Dissimilation: verb [ trans. ] Linguistics

change (a sound in a word) in order to be unlike the sounds near it : in “pilgrim,” from Latin “peregrinus,” the first “r” is dissimilated to “l.”

• [ intrans. ] (of a sound) undergo such a change : the first “r” dissimilates to “l.”

Hypocrisy: noun ( pl. -sies)

the practice of claiming to have moral standards or beliefs to which one's own behavior does not conform; pretense.

ORIGIN Middle English : from Old French ypocrisie, via ecclesiastical Latin, from Greek hupokrisis ‘acting of a theatrical part,’ from hupokrinesthai ‘play a part, pretend,’ from hupo ‘under’ + krinein ‘decide, judge.’

Flattery: noun ( pl. -teries)

excessive and insincere praise, esp. that given to further one's own interests : his healthy distrust of courtiers' flattery.

ORIGIN Middle English : from Old French flaterie, from flater ‘stroke, flatter,’ probably of Germanic origin and related to flat 1

Adulation: noun

obsequious flattery; excessive admiration or praise : he found it difficult to cope with the adulation of the fans.

ORIGIN late Middle English : from Latin adulatio(n-), from adulari ‘fawn on.’

Complaisance: noun

willing to please others; obliging; agreeable : when unharnessed, Northern dogs are peaceful and complaisant.

Duplicitous speech: adjective

deceitful : treacherous, duplicitous behavior.

• Law (of a charge or plea) containing more than one allegation.

Boasting: verb

1 [ reporting verb ] talk with excessive pride and self-satisfaction about one's achievements, possessions, or abilities : [with direct speech ] Ted used to boast, “I manage ten people” | [with clause ] he boasted that he had taken part in the crime | [ intrans. ] she boasted about her many conquests.

2 [ trans. ] (of a person, place, or thing) possess (a feature that is a source of pride) : the hotel boasts high standards of comfort.

noun

an act of talking with excessive pride and self-satisfaction : I said I would score, and it wasn't an idle boast.

Bragging: verb ( bragged , bragging ) [ reporting verb ]

say in a boastful manner : [with direct speech ] “I found them,” she bragged | [with clause ] he brags that he wrote 300 pages in 10 days | [ intrans. ] they were bragging about how easy it had been.

noun

1 a gambling card game that is a simplified form of poker.

2 [in sing. ] a boastful statement; an act of talking boastfully.

adjective [ attrib. ] informal

excellent; first-rate : that was my brag heifer.

And, while we’re at it, I’m just going to throw this handy little chart that explains the types of humor, which includes sarcasm.  And you all no how much I hate sarcasm*.  
 

device	HUMOR	WIT	SATIRE	SARCASM	INVECTIVE	IRONY	CYNICISM	SARDONIC
motive/aim	discovery	throwing light	amendment	inflicting pain	discredit	exclusiveness	self-justification	self-relief
province	human nature	words & ideas	morals & manners	faults & foibles	misconduct	statement of facts	morals	adversity
method/means	observation	surprise	accentuation	inversion	direct statement	mystification	exposure of nakedness	pessimism
audience	the sympathetic	the intelligent	the self-satisfied	victim & bystander	the public	an inner circle	the respectable	the self

*NOT sarcasm

From the holy ones:

Pope Francis recently spoke about gossip:  “Gossip,” he cautioned, “always has a criminal side to it. There is no such thing as innocent gossip. [...] if we ever gossip we are certainly persecutors and violent.”

St. Josemaría Escrivá had a lot to say on the power of speech in his letters.  Taken from The Forge: 

902.  Acquire the habit of speaking about everyone and about everything they do in a friendly manner, especially when you are speaking of those who labour in God’s service.  Whenever that is not possible, keep quiet.  Sharp or irritated comment as well may border on gossip or slander.

905.  There are many sides to lying: reticence, intrigue, slander… But it is always the coward’s weapon.

reticent:  adjective

not revealing one's thoughts or feelings readily : she was extremely reticent about her personal affairs.

Intrigue noun 

1 the secret planning of something illicit or detrimental to someone : the cabinet was a nest of intrigue | the intrigues of local government officials.

• a secret love affair.

2 a mysterious or fascinating quality : within the region's borders is a wealth of interest and intrigue.

slander  noun

the action or crime of making a false spoken statement damaging to a person's reputation : he is suing the TV network for slander. Compare with libel .

• a false and malicious spoken statement : I've had just about all I can stomach of your slanders.

verb [ trans. ]

make false and damaging statements about (someone) : they were accused of slandering the head of state.

907.  They spread slander and then make sure themselves that someone comes along immediately to tell you: “it is said that…”  No doubt that is villainous, but don’t lose your peace; the tongue can do you no harm, if you work honestly.  Consider how silly they are, how tactless, humanly speaking, and what a lack of loyalty they show towards their brothers- and especially towards God!  And don’t go and fall into slander yourself, through an ill-conceived idea of the right to reply.  If you have to say anything, make use of fraternal correction as the Gospel advises us.

909.  Gossip is a very human thing, they say.  And I reply: we have to live in a divine manner.  The evil or flippant word of only one man can create a climate of opinion, and even make it fashionable to speak badly about somebody… Then that thin mist of slander rises from below, reaches a high level and perhaps condenses into black clouds.  When the man persecuted in this way is a soul of God, the clouds shower down a beneficial rain, come what may; and the Lord ensures that he is exalted by the very means with which they tried to humiliate or defame him.

912.  Speaking badly of others is the daughter of envy; and envy is where the sterile seek refuge.

914.  Sometimes I think backbiters are like men possessed by a lesser devil… For the devil always insinuates himself and his evil spirit here, forever critical of God or God’s followers. 

916.  This is how you should answer a backbiter:  “I shall tell the person concerned” or “I shall speak to him about it.”

917.  A contemporary author has written: “Going around gossiping is always inhuman; it reveals a person of mediocre quality; it is a sign of being uneducated; it shows a lack of refinement of feeling.  It is unworthy of a Christian.

918.  You should always avoid complaining, criticizing, gossiping… You must avoid absolutely anything that could bring discord among brothers.

And, it is because of that discord that I write today.  

Gossip.

For the past year or so, my life has suddenly been inundated with gossip, all forms of gossip, which frustrates the ever-living heck out of me.  I’ve always had a high regard for people’s personal lives, tastes, and other information, and I’d rather learn it myself, from them, not second-hand from another person.  I feel that if a person specifically wants Jen Lowery to know something about them, they’ll come and tell me.  If they don’t, it’s none of my freaking business, regardless of the fact that rest of the world may already know.  And, it could range from something as simple as their favorite ice cream flavor to something as complex as the fact that their family is in debt up to their eyeballs because one of the kids has an incredibly debilitating disease.  Either way, I don’t care!  Don’t get me wrong; I care. But it’s not my business until someone chooses specifically to include me.  Because I have this expectation of myself, I naively have it for others, too. 

I’m getting ahead of myself here.  Let’s begin with different forms of gossip.  Now, I hope this covers most, if not all, techniques.  I've seriously thought about this for a while.  Feel free to add your own, in your head, from wherever you're reading this.  Oh, and feel free to judge all you want to yourself. 

Gossip of “positive” information:  “She’s so smart.  She won the Scripps National Spelling Bee.”  This type of gossip may convey positive information about someone, but depending on the intention of the person, can be very negative.  I’ll get to this later.

Gossip of “neutral” information: “She sings all the time.”  Telling neutral information is just that, neutral, but it can take on a different meaning depending on your timing, intonation, and implication (see below).

Gossip of negative information: “I can’t believe her.  She totally got drunk last night and sent scandalous photos to some random guy.”  This is also referred to as getting the dirt on someone.  Regardless of her wrong actions being wrong, spreading the information around defames her character and is contrary to her dignity.  This person may already have to do enough to amend the situation she went through, and passing on the information only exacerbates the situation. 

Gossip of "power"- information that the teller knows, but the receiver does not: “Did you know that she got a raise?”  This is all about a self-centered power-struggle.  The teller holds a little bit more information over the listener, and uses it to one-up herself.   Just look at the way it’s worded: “did you know” implies that the listener does not know. 

Gossip without permission: “Did you know that she got a raise?”  As it says in the catechism, (2492), everyone should observe an appropriate reserve concerning person’s private lives.  Again, the “did you know” is striking.  Why should we be sharing information about someone to others who shouldn’t know in the first place?

Gossip of presumption: “She’d do this or that.  No.  She hates that.  Oh!  She loves that!”  This type of gossip presumes to know so much about someone that she can speak effectively for that person. 

Gossip of assumption: “Wouldn’t they make a great couple!  It’s a great match.  I can’t believe they’re together.  It’s not a good match.  They’ll get divorced.”  This one speaks for itself.  How unfortunate do we have to be to sit around daydreaming and planning the lives of other people when we should be focused on our own lives?  This implies that the speaker knows best about everything, and that if things would only go her way, it would be perfect. 

Gossip of implication:  “She sings all the time.”  This type of gossip is any type of statement (positive, neutral, or negative), but what is important is how the words are intoned or what is not said.  It leaves the listener to come to their own conclusion through a lack of verbal communication or an overemphasis .  “She sings all the time,” (which drives me insane!).

Gossip of scrutiny:  “So, here’s what happened on our date.”  Finally, this type of gossip is the sharing of every single detail with someone in order to squeeze all possible meanings, implications, and conclusions from a specific encounter.  It has a lot to do with the gossip of assumption and presumption.

Now, I’ll be the first to admit that I am a hypocrite and a gossip.  I am totally guilty of these as much as the next person.  But, I’ve been absolutely overwhelmed with it lately, and it’s really convicted my heart of my own selfishness.  Because that’s what gossip is: completely self-centered self-gratification.

The heart of gossip is pride (and a little vanity, too): “Look at me.  Look at me.  Lookit all the information I know.  I know all the things.  I know best.  I know all the people.  Everyone tells me everything.”

It’s really just a struggle for power.  It breeds jealousy, envy, and even fear.

It.  Is.  No.  Good.

Let’s get one thing straight here, though.  There is a huge difference between praise, sharing information, and gossip.  Do you know where the difference lies?  It is in the intention of the speaker.  To praise someone for their talents in pursuit of the good, the true, and the beautiful is an awesome thing.  It is honorable and noble to build one another up.  We are  actually called to do this in Scripture (1 Thess 5:11).  The sharing of information and ideas is also a very good thing, especially when people are just getting to know one another, or are getting to know one another more deeply.  It is good to discuss your likes, dislikes, talents, experiences, et cetera.

However.

These good and noble pursuits can quickly be clouded and turn to gossip as soon as our intentions are soured by self-absorption.  When conveying information about another person is suddenly about you, it’s gossip.

It’s just a thin line between praising your friend’s talents and boasting about her, which opens the floodgates to vanity via namedropping and reputation association:  She’s awesome, so I’m awesome because I know and hang out with her. 

The truth: I need to make myself more important because I’m so insecure about my own weaknesses and failures that I’m afraid that’s all anyone will ever see, so I have to lean on someone else’s accomplishments.

Rubbish.  Compare and despair.

But it’s so true.  We all do it.  I do it.

But I need to stop.  And it’s difficult to stop.  Gossip is a vice.  Some vices are venial sins that have morphed into habitual behaviors.

Gossip can really change a person’s friendship, too.  If my friend is talking to me about a mutual friend, and telling me information that this person didn’t tell me herself, how do I know that she (or even both) isn’t talking about me in a similar way to others?  Before you wave me off as paranoid, hear me out.  It damages trust.  It’s unnerving, fearful, and reeks of The Scatterer (“Devil” comes from the late Latin diaballein: dia “across” and ballein “to throw’).  Where’s the trust?  Privacy?  Confidence in friendship?  Out the window, flung far, far away.

Because this mistrust begins to grow toward my friend, I start talking to her less.  Then I start seeing her less.  And, suddenly, we haven’t talked in months.  The friendship suffers because of fear and mistrust.

I’d like to be so bold as to say I hate it when other people talk about me.  I don’t care what it is: praise, neutral information, or malicious slander.  There is just something very wrong with any of that.  If you have anything to say, say it to my face.  My mother, God love her, wasn’t a saint, but she brought me up to know one very solid thing:

THOU SHALT NOT LIE.

Of all the things my mother taught me, this is the thing that stuck the most.  It didn't really take hold until my conversion, though.  When people lie or speak falsely (not just about me, either), I tend to get irate.

And you’re sitting there, like, “Lowery!  What the heck!?  What does that have to do with gossip!?”

Allow me to explain:

truth 

noun

the quality or state of being true : he had to accept the truth of her accusation.

• (also the truth) that which is true or in accordance with fact or reality : tell me the truth | she found out the truth about him.

• a fact or belief that is accepted as true : the emergence of scientific truths | the fundamental truths about mankind.

PHRASES

in truth really; in fact : in truth, she was more than a little unhappy.

of a truth archaic certainly : of a truth, such things used to happen.

to tell the truth (or truth to tell or if truth be told) to be frank (used esp. when making an admission or when expressing an unwelcome or controversial opinion) : I think, if truth be told, we were all a little afraid of him.

the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth used to emphasize the absolute veracity of a statement. [ORIGIN: part of a statement sworn by witnesses in court.]

ORIGIN Old English trīewth, trēowth [faithfulness, constancy] (see true , -th 2 ).

true

adjective ( truer , truest )

1 in accordance with fact or reality : a true story | of course it's true | that is not true of the people I am talking about.

• [ attrib. ] rightly or strictly so called; genuine : people are still willing to pay for true craftsmanship | we believe in true love.

• [ attrib. ] real or actual : he has guessed my true intentions.

• said when conceding a point in argument or discussion : true, it faced north, but you got used to that.

2 accurate or exact : it was a true depiction.

• (of a note) exactly in tune.

• (of a compass bearing) measured relative to true north : steer 085 degrees true.

• correctly positioned, balanced, or aligned; upright or level.

3 loyal or faithful : he was a true friend.

• [ predic. ] ( true to) accurately conforming to (a standard or expectation); faithful to : this entirely new production remains true to the essence of Lorca's play.

4 chiefly archaic honest : we appeal to all good men and true to rally to us.

adverb

1 chiefly poetic/literary truly : Hobson spoke truer than he knew.

2 accurately or without variation.

verb ( trues |truz|, trued |trud|, truing |truɪŋ| or trueing) [ trans. ]

bring (an object, wheel, or other construction) into the exact shape, alignment, or position required.

PHRASES

come true actually happen or become the case : dreams can come true.

out of true not in the correct or exact shape or alignment : take care not to pull the frame out of true.

many a true word is spoken in jest proverb a humorous remark not intended to be taken seriously may turn out to be accurate after all.

true to form (or type) being or behaving as expected : true to form, they took it well.

true to life accurately representing real events or objects : artworks of the period were often composed in strident colors not true to life.

You know I love Truth.  Love Him.  I hate lying, and suddenly there’s this huge conviction in my heart that speaking about a person behind her back, regardless of the information, is tantamount to lying.  Why? 

Because 1: If you’re praising your friend to someone else, she isn’t there to receive your praise.  So, what’s the point?  Wait for word to get back around to her that you said something nice about her?  (A weak argument, but an argument nonetheless.  Start with the weakest argument first.)

Because 2: If you’re sharing information, the person isn’t there to clarify or correct misinformation from a second-hand party.

And, mostly important, Because 3: If you’re gossiping or being malicious, the person isn’t there to defend themselves.

POW.

Now, let's head to the Thomistic school of moral philosophy for a second before you all think I’m off my flippin rocker (CCC 1759).  The Catechism illustrates three conditions of morality by which we should judge our actions and the actions of others (more on that later, so pipe down).

1. Action.  (CCC 1751)
2. Intent/Outcome intended. (CCC 1752-3)
3. Circumstances/consequences.  (CCC 1754)

Bare minimum, none of these conditions can be negative, or the entire thing is kaput, so sayeth Aquinas.  This is why gossip is such a finicky dilemma for me to wrap my 10% around.  It’s all about the person’s heart- their intentions surrounding each condition.  And, there is absolutely no way that I can know or judge that right off the bat.  However, their intonation, body language, timing, and other factors can reveal loads to me.  (There are perks to being a melancholic.) 

“A good tree does not bear rotten fruit, nor does a rotten tree bear good fruit.  For every tree is known by its own fruit.  For people do not pick figs from thorn bushes, nor do they gather grapes from brambles.  A good person out of the store of goodness in his heart produces good, but an evil person out of a store of evil produces evil; for from the fullness of the heart the mouth speaks.”  -Luke 6:43-45

And now you’re prolly all up in arms and like “Jen!  What the frick! Didn’t you read Luke 6:37 and Matthew 7:1?!”  You can’t judge! You’re such a judgmental person!”  I did read it.  I also read Luke 12:57: “Why do you not judge for yourself what is right?”  While I can’t and shouldn’t judge a person (or their soul, that’s for God alone), I have the capacity, moral reason, and moral obligation to make a judgment call on someone’s actions, especially if those actions are detrimental to their or my soul!  I mean, the Spiritual Works of Mercy are to instruct the ignorant, admonish sinners, counsel the doubtful, comfort the afflicted, bear wrongs patiently, forgive offenses willingly, and pray for the living and the dead.

And don’t be all like, "Jen, you should just bear this patiently."  There is a time to speak, and a time to be silent  (Ecc 3:7).  There is a time to be meek, and a time to unleash the freaking fury.  Since when did “patient” become synonymous with “doormat”?  I hate that!  People think that Christians are simply wet-blankets who should tolerate everyone's stupidity and sin!  Christ was patient, but he was not tolerant.  Nor was He stupid.  If He hadn’t spoke the hurtful Truth to the woman at the well, she wouldn’t have been saved!  If He wouldn’t have demanded an honest account of the mob, Mary Magdalene would have been stoned to death!  If table tippin’ time hadn’t occurred, who knows what the temple would have become.  HE PULLED OUT A BULLWHIP.  A STINKIN BULLWHIP!

See, people seem to reduce Jesus to a nice, sweet, contrite, bestie brother, or a true hugger, or a really cool and prudent frat boy, or whatever fits their lifestyle the best.

HE IS THE FREAKING LION OF JUDAH. 

He can’t be leashed, or as Barron says in the Catholicism Series: “It’s tempting to domesticate Him, but Christ remains permanently disruptive.”

WHOOO!  Yay tangents!

Anyways, let’s go back to those three conditions and play around a little bit.

1. Action: Telling someone my friend is a good musician.  (neutral)
2. Intention: Helping her get hired for gigs. (good)
3. Consequence: She gets hired for gigs.  (good)

Winner!  I’m genuinely trying to help my friend.  I am proud of her accomplishments, and I want to help her succeed.  I do not seek to gain from the situation.

Next!

1. Telling someone my friend is a good musician.  (neutral)
2. Letting people know I’m friends with her.  (negative)
3. Boost my reputation.   (negative)

FAIL!

1. Telling someone my friend’s a good musician.  (neutral)
2. Wanting/expecting credit.  (negative).
3. Getting in for free at gigs.  (neutral).

FAIL!

1. Bragging about or embellishing my friend’s musical talents.  (negative)
2. Helping her get hired for gigs.  (good).
3. She gets hired for gigs.  (good)

FAIL!

It’s a thin rope that we walk, and, I challenge you, dear reader (as much as I need to challenge myself), to really scrutinize your intentions and your outcomes.  Lately, I feel like my life has been flooded with gossip, and I’ve had enough.  But, most often, I find that when I’m frustrated with others, its because they’re displaying  sinful behaviors that I commit.  I’m a sinner as much as you are.  Big surprise there! 

Thus, the title of this post.

“Why do you notice the splinter in your brother’s eye, but do not perceive the wooden beam in your own?  How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me remove that splinter in your eye,’ when you do not even notice the wooden beam in your won eye?  You hypocrite!  Remove the wooden beam from your eye first, then you will see clearly to remove the splinter in your brother’s eye.”  -Luke 6:41-42

GAH!

Lesson here:  I need to talk less and listen more.  I need to shut the hell up more.  I need to stop bringing attention to myself (which is hilarious when read in the context of an online blog).

I love what the Catechism has to say on this:

CCC 2489.  The good and safety of others, respect for privacy, and the common good are sufficient reasons for being silent about what ought not be known or for making use of a discreet language. The duty to avoid scandal often commands strict discretion. No one is bound to reveal the truth to someone who does not have the right to know it.  (emphasis mine)

Now, it also tears at my pride that I can't control EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME, especially who is talking about me, and what they are saying.  

This makes me think of the four Cardinal virtues: temperance, prudence, justice, and fortitude.  Most often, prudence is associated with speech and action, but I’d like to apply each to our manner of speaking:

Temperance is knowing what to say.  Prudence is knowing when to say it.  Justice is knowing if it needs to be said.  Fortitude is saying it or remaining silent. 

I gotta tell you, lat last one is a constant struggle for me.  This past summer, I accidentally walked in on a CYE staff meeting at Basecamp, and guess what, they were talking about this very topic.  One of the guys said something about keeping a custody of the tongue.  A great way to mortify ourselves is by keeping silent when we want to share information, regardless of the information.  I don’t remember which guy it was, but that kid was right on the ball. 

We all want to share.  We all want to be in the know.  We all want to be regarded as important. 

But “I tell you […] everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and the one who humbles himself will be exalted.”

OUT.