My
dear and beautiful sister,
Whether you like it or not, this post is about you. If you think it isn't; it is.
Whether you like it or not, this post is about you. If you think it isn't; it is.
I'd like to preface this letter with a great Bob Newhart skit:
You
have been on my heart for some time now. I was blessed to be able to
go up to the formation Center on Sunday- Monday, and I went to daily Mass for
the first time since January 28th (St. Thomas Aquinas, ora pro
nobis). The two readings for the day onthe 23rd (which also marked the 2-year anniversary of the day me
& Thomas met) spoke to me in a pretty profound way. However, instead of mooning over the past,
all I could do was think of you.
The readings
were 1 Peter 1: 3-9 and Mark 10:17-27.
Deacon Adam Bradley did a great job preaching! What jumped out at me most were the following
passages:
“Now
for a little while you may have to suffer
various trials, so that the genuineness of your faith, more precious than gold which though
perishable is tested by fire, may
redound to praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus
Christ.” 1 Peter 1:6-8
“And
Jesus, looking upon him, loved him
and said…” Mark 10:21
All I could think about was you when these words were preached. The Holy Spirit moved me to write a letter to
you. But, I put it off because I wasn’t
sure what to say. Your text last night
snapped me out of that and provided some great starting points.
Firstly,
I want you to know that I am writing to you out of love and concern for you and your soul. My hope is to be sincere, but the words might
be a little tough at times. Know that I
love you. And what does Aquinas say love is? Good. Let’s press on.
Before
you read on, I want you to do 4 things:
1. Bless yourself with holy water.
2.
Pray a Memorarae and St. Michael.
3. Ask St. Joseph’s intercession, and, most
importantly,
4. Say aloud: “I reject Satan’s attack on my self-worth.” And mean it.
Done? Ok.
Moving on. Ready? Here we go.
STOP.
Stop
what you are doing. Stop it right now. I know, love.
I know how much it hurts. Believe
me, I do. And you have to stop. You have got to stop what you are doing if
you are afraid you’re never going to be loved.
Stop
it.
That’s
my wound , too. And I can see it in
everything you do. Perfect Love casts
out all fear. Stop.
You
gave me a great list of things to write about.
First, you asked me to pray that you’re detached. My prayers aren’t instantly going to make you
detached. I love you. Stop wanting to know ALL THE THINGS!,
and stop wanting to make sure people know that you know all the things. It is good to be knowledgeable about the
Faith and the pursuit of Truth, but it comes off as gossip if you share about
other people’s lives, habits, and the plans you have for them. It’s really the farthest thing there is from
being detached. STOP.
Repeat:
“I reject the attach on my self-worth.”
Don’t let him in.
You
want to be detached? Unhitch yourself
from habits and activities that take up most of your time, effort, and
attention. Stop talking about people. Stop planning things. Stop looking for the approval of others when
you share information. In fact, if the
info you want to share isn’t going to help get the other person to Heaven,
don’t say it. Stop. This will teach you detachment, not my
prayers.
“I
reject the attack on my self-worth.” I
love you.
LEMME
TELL YA: there are still days when I feel worthless, unloved, ugly, wrong, like
a failure, and miserable. Satan hates
all of us, and he will stop at nothing to ruin our quest for holiness,
our TRUST in Jesus, and our faithfulness to HIS path. Detach yourself from what you want. Let those things go, and you will start to
develop other virtues that point you to heaven because you won’t be so
concerned about life here on earth. I
know that all of this seems super harsh, but maintaining the spiritual life IS
super hard. And we can’t do it
alone. Where would any of us be if we
didn’t hold one another accountable?
“I
reject the attack on my self-worth.”
Next,
peacefulness. Wanna know a secret? Being peaceful is one of the fruits of
detachment! Start practicing
mortifications if you haven’t already.
Here’s a great one: pick 1 week’s worth of clothing and only wear those
clothes for a month. Give up
coffee. Give up wine. Give up your favorites and give them to
Jesus. Go on the Little way. Give it up.
Read the book Searching for and Maintaining Peace over and over and over again until it sinks in. Read Timefor God and Consoling Thoughts on Trials of an Interior Life. You
must stop.
When was the last time
you went on retreat? I dare you
to go on a 5-8 day silent hermitage retreat with nothing but a journal
and a Bible. Get out of the state. Go somewhere where no one knows you and you
can’t put on a show or hide from God.
SLOW DOWN. STOP. SLEEP.
You will never be peaceful if you don’t recognize the importance
of rest. Have you done something like CYE staff
or Spiritus or Totus Tuus or anything?
Those things will teach you detachment for sure.
“I
reject the attack on my self-worth.” You are a beautiful and precious, BELOVED
daughter of the Father. And don’t you
ever forget or doubt it. You are
resplendent and radiant.
What
was the next one? Joyful. I think the one after that was "authentic," so
I’m going to address them at the same time.
One of the things that I’ve noticed about you in the past few years is
how you express your hurt in different ways.
Some of the things that I’ve heard you say are always said in this very shielded,
fake-happy way that is neither joyful nor authentic, and I can see right
through it. I know you’re hurting. I know you want to be married. I know how hard it is. But trying to be joyful whilst at the same
time bemoaning your single status is like trying to light a fire with a pail of
water; it just doesn’t work.
So stop. Stop being negative and start being joyful
about what you do have: the gifts God has given to single you that He can’t
give to married you. Rejoice
in your true identity as a beloved Daughter of the Father created out of Love
by Love to Love instead of wallowing in self-pity because “nothing seems to be
working” in the relationship department.
When you are sincerely and truly joyful about the things you have or
have been given, you’ll start to be able to detach yourself from the
creation/creatures and start attaching yourself more to the Creator because He’s
responsible for it all.
Also,
girl, you gotta learn how to suffer well! This is one thing I ask for constantly. If you can’t suffer well now, you ain’t gonna
suffer well with your husband, and LEMME TELL YA, you gonna be doin’ a wholelotta suffering when you get married.
How you suffer now is gonna have a huge impact on your vocation, so stop
whining about the battle and start winning it. Put on the Armor of God!
“I
reject the attack on my self-worth.” St.
Joseph, terror of demons, pray for us!
That last blog post I wrote was pretty awesome, wasn’t it? I got 500 views in 1 day, I got 6 texts about
it, and 1 priest and 1 deacon messaged me.
You said you were glad to hear it, but I ask you: did the words sink
in? Have you read them since?
The last thing you asked prayers for was that you be surrendered to God’s
will. Are you? What if He doesn’t want you to be married? Are you ready for that? Can you accept it? What if He doesn’t want you to know His plan
right now? What if, God forbid, your spouse is 500
miles away and you can’t pray him into existence, so the only thing you can do is be obedient to the Holy Spirit? Can you be surrendered to God’s will enough
to give this burning desire back to him/?
Can you attach yourself to Him and be detached from this desire?
Can
you really?
Are
you ready to stop husband- hunting? Are
you ready to stop grasping as prize and start receiving as gift? You need to really be honest with yourself. And you need to STOP and let all of
this go. You need to quit hanging around
people who even hint at wanting to set you up or even remotely make you feel
wrong for being single…because those are lies. There is nothing wrong with you because you are single. NO. THING.
Stop watching chick flicks. Stop
it. Avoid married and relationship
things for a while. Get lost in
Christ. Let the Holy Spirit do His
thing, not yours.
“I
reject the attack on my self-worth.” St.
Michael, defend us.
I don't have all the answers. I just see what I see. And I see you turning more inward and inflicting pain on yourself.
I don't have all the answers. I just see what I see. And I see you turning more inward and inflicting pain on yourself.
So
stop.
Turn
toward Christ. Give it all to Him: the
hurt, the anger, the fear, the loathing, hatred, lies, tears, tantrums, needs,
wants, expectations, plans. All of
it. He wants all of it. He wants all of you. ALL of it.
Let go of it and give it to Him.
He will not fail or disappoint you.
One other thing. You cannot, must not
ever be less than who you are just to please some man. It will be disastrous. Don’t you dare do it. You need a strong leader who can handle
everything you throw at him. And He’s
holding your heart right now. And He
will never ever give up on you, so don’t you dare think He has. And if you think He has, unite yourself to
His Son on the Cross when He suffered abandonment.
Again,
my beautiful sister, I am sorry if this came off a bit harsh. I don’t know anything except that I want what
is best for you. Stop. Slow down.
Rest. Let go.
“I
reject the attack on my self-worth.”
God’s
will be done, not yours. “Now for a
while, you may have to suffer various trials.”
Are you ready to be held in the crucible? No?
Are you willing? If not,
can you do what it takes to get willing and stay willing?
I
guarantee you, friend, the suffering will be worth it. It will.
You are going to be amazed.
Stop forcing. Stop controlling. Start surrendering; start detaching. Then you will be peaceful, joyful, and authentic.
And,
if you have your eye on someone, and he doesn’t notice you or won’t initiate,
LET IT GO. He’s not for you. Don’t do your future husband a disservice by
settling for someone less than him. He
will notice you. He will chase you. He will help you slay the dragons.
And
you will know.
There
will be no questions.
And
you will have peace
And
joy, and detachment
And
authenticity, because
You’ve
already surrendered all to
The
will of God.
I love you. I am praying for you, beautiful daughter of the Father.
I love you. I am praying for you, beautiful daughter of the Father.
I must decrease so that He may increase.
St. John the Baptist, pray for us.
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