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I am burning with jealousy for her.  -Zechariah 8:2

Why is God burning with jealousy for me?

Because everything else captivates my attention but Him.  Everything gets in the way.  Everything is vanity.  Everything is idolatry.

I don't pray as I ought.  I don't act as I ought.

I love myself.  Not the good self-esteem type of love.  But selfish, prideful, obstinate self-love: preferring my way, my will above God's.  Trusting myself rather than trusting in Him.

I boast in things other than the Lord, mainly myself.  "He is jealous for me" is not a firm belief, but a chance to draw attention to myself and act as if I'm better than others, and half the time, I'm completely unsure of this jealous love for me.

Not only is He jealous for me, He is burning with jealousy.  Aching.  Longing.  And I look right in His face and refuse this immense love, because I find my own will much more satisfying.

How do I stop this?  How do I fight it?

By just being with Him.  By giving myself to Him... my wretched, rotten, prideful self.  Handing it right over.  Surrendering.  Abandoning.

Letting go.  Letting go is immeasurably difficult.  But I have to.  He's burning with jealousy for me because I refuse to let go: I prefer the creature over the Creator.

Nonsense.

It's time to let go and fall into the flame.

Lord, unfold me in the depths of your heart; and there hold me, refine, purge, and set me on fire, raise me aloft, until my own self knows utter annihilation.