First of all, I’m in love. I am in love with Jesus, His Blessed Mother, the saints, the angels, our Pope, our priests, and the beautiful Bride, the Church. The more I learn about the Faith, the deeper I fall. As most of you know, I was blessed to be on the staff of Catholic Youth Expeditions last summer. It’s a camping ministry that changed my life in 2003, and I’ve been involved with it ever since. (If your student hasn’t gone, I sincerely and vehemently recommend it.) Living a life of simple poverty in community with other young, on-fire Catholics really opened my eyes to the will of God this summer. He gently began to tug at my heart.
I gave notice yesterday that I will resign as the Holy Name of Jesus and St. Clement Mission Ignition Youth Minister, effective May 30, 2011. I will fulfill all of my commitments for the current school year. There will be no changes or halts to our program. It will continue as is. Registrations will for the 2011-2012 school year will be sent out in March/April. I fully intend to make the transition as smooth and as positive as possible. I really think that we have a solid group of volunteers and a solid program. Everything is in place, and now, we just need to find someone to come in and keep it blazing!
I’ve been praying since November about this. It was not an easy decision whatsoever. I love this job. I have a fantastic support team of coworkers and volunteers. I have an outstanding group of students. However, when I asked the Lord where He wanted me to go, He told me to go where I’m going to be used the greatest for the Glory of His Kingdom. I’m getting a feeling of closure, like “my time in Sheboygan is done.” I feel the Lord pulling me to be with Catholic Youth Expeditions indefinitely to fight the Good fight. “When God fights it is but small matter whether the hand that bears His sword is big or little.” –St. Joan of Arc. Being on CYE teaches me obedience, humility, and, above all, sacrifice- 3 things I’ll need a lot of to be a good and holy wife and mother, which is what my vocational calling is. This community is a place where I will be formed, fed, and held accountable by/to others so that I may effectively give my entire life, heart, mind, body, and soul to Jesus.
It really hasn’t been easy. When I started praying, I had over $3,000 in credit card debt. It was one of the biggest things blocking the voice of Jesus. I was super worried about money. I asked our Lord to help me defeat the debt.
BLESS THE LORD, IT WAS A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE! I paid it off completely before the first of this year!
Miracles are happening! I am excited, but also a little worried. I’m trying to pay down the principal on my car now. My car, car insurance, health insurance, and cell phone bill will be the only things that I will be accountable for… which adds up to a lot of money that I have to raise. The summer staff and Missionary Interns of Catholic Youth Expeditions are not paid at all. I’m not so worried about that as I am getting rid of or storing all my “stuff.” I have so much stuff. It’s absolutely ridiculous. Christ is calling me to let things go. To give it up and follow Him.
It’s been so freeing! For example… I had about 275 DVDs. I love movies. Well, those were the first things to go. It took me an hour to pare it down to 75. I started crying because these things, these finite things that only provide temporary gratification, had taken a bigger spot in my life than the God-made-man who died to save me from my sins. After I sorted through them, I looked around and was disgusted with myself. By no means am I wealthy. Nor have I been “comfortable” for the past 5 years. I’ve been living paycheck to paycheck… but still I’ve been able to acquire all of this “stuff.”
So, I’ve started the journey to willfully choose a life of simple poverty. It will be tough, but will also make me realize (as it did this summer) that absolutely every thing is a gift from God. And that is what brings me joy: the thought of a God who loves me so much that he provides for me in small simple ways that make me smile. One my favorite verses from Isaiah:
“For Zion’s sake I will not keep silent, and for Jerusalem’s sake I will not keep quiet, until her righteousness goes forth like brightness, and her salvation like a torch that is burning. The nations will see your righteousness, and all kings your glory; and you will be called by a new name which the mouth of the LORD will designate. You will be a crown of beauty in the hand of the LORD, a royal diadem in the hand of your God. It will no longer be said to you, “Forsaken,” nor to your land will it any longer be said, “desolate”; but you shall be called “My Delight,” and your land “Espoused,” for the LORD delights in you, and makes your land his spouse. As a young man marries a virgin, your Builder shall marry you; and as a bridegroom rejoices in his bride so shall your God rejoice in you” (62:1-5)
I’m sure it’s very difficult to see where I’m coming from. Choosing a life of poverty seems absolutely insane. However, I refer to Christ’s words in Matthew:
“Do not take money; no sack for the journey, or a second tunic, or sandals, or walking stick. Do not hesitate to accept hospitality, because those who work deserve to be fed” (10:9-10).
Our Lord has also spoken to me several times over the past few years with this passage:
Dependence on God
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat (or drink), or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds in the sky, they do not sow or reap, they gather nothing into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are not you more important than they? Can any of you buy worrying add a single moment to your life? Why are you anxious about clothes? Learn from the way the wild flowers grow. They do not work or spin, but I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was clothed like one of them. If God so clothes the grass of the field, which grows today and is thrown into the oven tomorrow, will he not much more provide for you, O you of little faith? So do not worry and say, ‘What are we to eat?’ Or ‘What are we to drink,’ or ‘What are we to wear?’ All these things the pagans seek. Your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom (of God) and his righteousness, and all these things will be given you besides. Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself. Sufficient for a day is its own evil.” –Matthew 6:25-34
The work I am choosing to do is radical. It is not a career with monetary compensation. This work is a calling. A calling that was placed in my heart at Baptism and (Bless the Lord) ignited by the Holy Spirit at my Confirmation. Much like our Beautiful Blessed Mother, I am saying “yes” to something that I’m going into blind.
I have no idea what will happen. But, much like our Queen of Heaven, I have the utmost confidence that the Mighty One will do great things for me (Lk 1:49). He will feed and protect me without extreme dependence on money (Lk 1:53). I am nothing but a handmaid of the Lord, may it be done unto me according to His will (Lk 1:38). I boldly proclaim yes! to my Beloved, and nod in agreement when Mary tells me to “do whatever He tells you” (John 2:5). I am ready and willing.
That is what we are called to do at our Baptism- each of us is Baptized priest, prophet, and king- just like Christ. We are called to go out into the world and make disciples of all nations (Mt 28:19-20, Mr 16:9-10, Lk 24:48, and Jn 20:11-18).
Enough of my preaching. Hopefully you understand some of the reasons that I am answering this call.
God will provide what I need. What would be awesome is if you speak to our Lord and pray for me, my future husband, and future children. That is more valuable to me than anything else I can imagine. Ask Jesus to make me more like His mother- fearless, bold, and precious to those that I meet so that I may bring others to Him. This is the greatest desire of my heart.
I long to be holy- like the great saints and martyrs of our time. St. Joan of Arc, St. Therese of Lisieux, St. Mary Magdalene, and My Beautiful St. Michael the Archangel are my patrons. Please ask their intercession constantly for me.
I hope this letter helped you understand my discernment a bit more. I am sorry if it upset you. But Christ came to comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfy. We all need a little wake up call now and then.
I’m getting a big one. If you have any questions, please feel free to give me a call at the office or drop by. I would rather not discuss this further via email. Our last social night of the year, the bonfire, on May 22 will also be a bit of a going away party.
Thank you for all that you have done to bring me closer to Jesus and for giving me the opportunity to serve Him through you.
God Love Ya,
Jennifer Lynn Magdalene
The world offers you comfort, but you were not made for comfort; you were made for greatness. –Pope Benedict XVI
Lord, unfold me in the depths of your heart; and there hold me, refine, purge, and set me on fire, raise me aloft, until my own self knows utter annihilation. –Peirre Tielhand de Chardin, SJ
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