Odd Girl Out

Thoughts on Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls by Rachel Simmons.

Inside cover reads:
"If your daughter has ever come home from school upset because her friends didn't walk with her to lunch, if she has wanted to stay home or has run up to her room in tears and won't tell you why, you may need this book. These may seem like minor problems--who cares about notes passed behind your back, or a nasty look, or a party you're not invited to--but they aren't and they can have a lasting effect on a girl's self-esteem. In fact, as Rachel Simmons shows in Odd Girl Out, the secret world of girls' aggression is just as harmful as the aggression of boys, but it's harder to recognize. Girls are not encouraged to express their anger, and so it goes underground. The importance of relationships to women has long been understood. For girls, losing friends or becoming the object of a clique's derision can be devastating. Yet most teachers don't have time to notice and cope with the problem, and parents feel frustrated and hopeless in combating it. Every generation has struggled with this, and often parents still hold on to their own memories of suffering, making it more difficult when the time comes to help their children. Now, Odd Girl Outshines the light of understanding on the secret lives of girls. By articulating the dynamics of this behavior, she helps us see where it comes form and offers parents and teachers ways in which to help our daughters. Naming the problem is often the first step in solving it. Odd Girl Out not only names it, but describes it, understands it, and offers advice on how to deal with it."

My Rxn:
First of all, I had no idea that this was considered a 'self-help' book. It just looked kind of non-fictiony and feministy and that's why i picked it up. I wouldn't recommend it for classroom reading, but I DO RECOMMEND IT TO ANY FEMALE AGES 16 AND UP. (has a few inappropriate things in there) I also demand that teachers, parents, counselors, youth ministers, and anyone else who works with girls read this book. It is quite redundant, but I believe that Simmons does that to drive the point home. It really makes you think about how society treats/brainwashes girls and women. I read it in about 2 days- could have polished it off in 4 consecutive hours had it not dragged here and there. I do not agree with every hypothesis and argument, but she has some great ideas.

GO read it. NOW.

Quotes:
"You don't want to give up. You don't want to drop it. You don't want to be the loser" (76). A 6th grader comments on not apologizing or letting things go.

"Small wonder that singer Ani DiFranco is telling her legions of young female fans that everyone secretly hates the pretties girl in the room" (106). MAJOR PROPS to Simmons for alluding to one of my favorite songs of all time.

"We have been taught that the right answer is the one that hurts the least" (153).

"I have been invited to hang out at a birthday sleepover. The girls, who are all students at an exclusive same-sex school in the Northeast, barely notice my entrance. They are scattered like flower petals across the birthday girl's bedroom floor. Each has dutifully brought a makeup bag that spills over with glittering gels, lipsticks, shadows, and glosses. Some sit contentedly in front of friends as their hair is braided and smeared with sparkly goo. They have yet to eat dinner, but a few have already changed into pajamas. Soft cotton tank tops with short bottoms that furt up seem to dominate. Hair is long and blown dry, nails manicured and polished. After a light dinner, the girls move o the living room, where they spontaneously begin painting toenails. The television flickers and hums. Foam toe separators have been supplied by the host. As images of MArc Anthony and Christina Aguilera flash through the room, a girl chirps, 'Oh, he is soooo hot!' 'Totally!; a few voices rise up from the couch. An ad for a film with Matt Damon appears. 'I'm so excited he's single again!' coos a girl who has momentarily stopped buffing. Almost as soon as her toes are done, one girl, willowy as a reed, hops on the stationary bike and shouts, 'I'm going to work off my dinner!' A few others jump up and begin clamoring for a turn. For the next hour, the girls climb on and off the bike, making sure to announce the number of calories they are burning with the regularity of train conductors. They are nine years old" (135-136).

"It was the thread of fear that runs through so many girls' relationships: the fear that conflict of any kind will result in relational loss. [...] As Haley saw it, she had two choices: put up with the best she can get or speak up and lose everything. [...] At ten, with her best friend Lucia, Haley was learning to settle for much, much less, and so to feel disposable and used. She was learning, as many girls do, to carve a tiny space for herself in this relationship-- in this case 90 min. a week during dance class-- where she would tell herself that she was happy, that indeed this may be the most she deserves" (163).

"When girls make a choice to value their emotions, they value themselves" (178).

"With ever more opportunities to showcase children, parents compete vigorously to project an image of social bliss and indomitable health. They stack trophies and throw glamorous birthday parties" (206). So help me, God. I do not want to be that kind of parent.

"It's also important to remember that news of a daughter's aggression can be embarrassing: when a girl isn't nice to everyone, it's a sign of her failure to conform to her sex role" (236). Her role as deemed by society, twisted and two-sided as it may be.

"The middle school years are what many would call the epicenter of the crisis of female adolescence" (268). Well no freakin DUH.