Never Again

So I wrote this a while ago after I’d been subbing for about a week straight.  I love substitute teaching.  It’s all the fun of teaching and none of the work.

Not only during that week, but several times since then, I’ve been told by several kids that I should become a full-time teacher.  One kid claimed this week that I’d make an excellent game show host.  Hah.  Not sure about that one.  Anyways, back to the suggestion of going back into teaching.  I had pretty high hopes about this, and I was even praying a little about it at the beginning of that week.  I subbed in the same classroom for a few days in a row.

Now, before you call me a saint for dealing with middle school students, I’d just like to preface this entire post by saying that I love middle school.  They’re just as nuts as I am.  However, a lot of things happened during that week and in the subsequent time since that made me quite confident that the only children I’ll be teaching in the future are my own.  At home. 

I’m still torn at this point as to whether or not to go into greater detail.  I know that writing this post will most likely offend some people, and I don’t want some helicopter parent thinking that I hate their precious little Johnny and have done him a great injustice.  I don’t, and I haven’t.  Also, I don’t want my readers to think that I’m speaking specifically about one school.  This post includes experience from all of my teaching days AND youth ministry days.  From student teaching to subbing in Manitowoc to my first real job fresh off the boat to youth ministry to now.  I’ve seeen some consistencies across the board.  You all know how much I like lists, so let’s find out Miss Jen’s top 17 reasons why she’ll never go back into teaching again. 

1.  And this is the most important:  I AM AN INTROVERT.

No matter how talkative, boisterous, zealous, energetic, synergetic, or outgoing you think I am, I am NOT that way all the time.  I might get excited about certain things (Aquinas, books, music) and zealous about others (saving souls, reverence, Confirmation), but I am not a perpetual cheerleader.  What will interest and motivate students more, in my opinion, is humor and zeal.  What exhausts me and frustrates me (as a melancholic/choleric) is that even having fun and showing passion can completely bounce off of some students who could absolutely care less and would act the same way if my head were on fire.   

2.  Being ignored, disregarded, or disrespected is not my idea of a good time.

As a choleric, one of the things that irritates me the most is the injustice of disrespect towards my “authority” as an adult and a teacher.  It’s not that I go into a classroom demanding respect from students.  I command it.  That means that I earn it.  I’m not a Nazi, but I’m not a pushover, either.  Students generally have a pretty good idea of where they stand with me.  However.  I don’t handle redundancy (most of the time, it’s directions) very well.  I expect something to be heard, done, or followed the first time I say it.  Having to repeat the same thing more than 5 times in a 45 minute (or 5 minute!) length of time does not sit well with me.  I feel very disrespected and undervalued not only as an authority figure, but as a person.  I feel ignored.  My words and effort are a matter of complete indifference.  This triggers my melancholic to start thinking that there’s something wrong with me.  My choleric just gets angry at being disrespected.

3.  BULLYING.

Students bully one another.

Students bully teachers.

Parents bully teachers.

AND NO ONE DOES ANYTHING.

4.  Accountability issues.

I guess my expectations are too high, because I expect students to read the directions, follow the directions, participate in class, complete their assignments, and hand things in on time, especially if given enough notice.  The deluge of excuses, lies, and manipulative behavior I’ve witnessed in order to avoid remaining accountable to a timeline is just absurd.  And before you get your knickers in a twist about kids having so much in their schedule today, wait to complain until you read #10.

5.  She “yelled” at me, or, “She doesn’t like me.”

I think I’ve only ever yelled (in anger) in a professional setting once in my entire adult life.   As a choleric, I pretty much know how to keep my anger in check, and, if I start yelling, it means I’m out of control, and it is unacceptable to be that way in a professional setting.  Students of all ages do not know, or can not tell, the difference between the following:

-When they are corrected sternly.

-When a teacher raises her voice to speak above a noisy classroom.

-When they are completely chewed out and called to the carpet.

It all comes down to the fact that people don’t like to be corrected.  AT ALL.  Having someone else point out their erroneous behavior hurts the pride, and pride doesn’t like to be hurt.  So to alleviate the pain, someone tries to make themselves feel better by besmirching (slightly) the character of the person who corrected them (by implying that I lost control by “yelling).  Almost anyone who has ever accused me of “yelling” at them has heard me respond: “no, I was stern with you.  If I ever yelled at you, you would most likely pee your pants and start crying.”  It’s true.  My anger is monstrous deadly when unleashed, which is why I keep him under lock and key.  Part of keeping him under wraps is not yelling, no matter how upset I am.  When I get irate, I become silent.  There is a world of difference between a stern correction: “young man, stop that behavior immediately,” and going completely Pacino on someone. 

Also, the students who get corrected more often are most likely those who:

-are disrespectful.

-are off-task.

-are distracting

-don’t do their work.

-do not listen.

I’d say it’s a safe assumption that if a student exhibits all of these behaviors, they could pretty much care less about the importance of school and therefore disregard the authority of the teachers.  Because there is minimal effort on the student’s side, I, as teacher, have the need to motivate the student and correct their behavior.  This extra “negative” attention may be perceived as personal dislike because some students can’t differentiate between their person and their behavior.  Instead of thinking, “oh, I’m being disrespectful, inattentive, and rude; I should stop doing that,” the student jumps to: “she hates me because she’s always “yelling” at me.  It’s not may fault,; she just hates me.”

What utter nonsense.  This is closely related to accountability issues.  Today, a kid’s behavior is put under a microscope and analyzed to the nth degree.  Why does Johnny act this way?  Because so  and so happened.  Now, I’m not saying that we disregard that so and so happened.  So and so could have been horrific or tragic and totally support reasons for Johnny’s behavior.  We all have issues.  I’m saying that we can’t keep disregarding Johnny’s behavior because so and so happened.  The whole victim mentality of “it’s not may fault” is running rampant in our society.  No one wants to take responsibility (that’s what a culture of death will do for ya).  It’s something we all struggle with.  But you know what?  It’s time we all buck up, shut up, and grow the hell up.  So we all have problems.  Why don’t we start trying to face them and deal with them instead of falling back on the crutches of our past?  That's not reality.  It’s not life.

6.  I have favorites.

There.  I said it. 

Do you know how utterly impossible it is to like someone who disrespects you?  Ignores you?  Complains about you?  Bullies you?  Starts false rumors about you?  Mocks you openly in front of everyone?  Mocks the Faith?  Doesn’t listen to you?  Lies to you?

Yeah.  Me, too. 

Fortunately, you don’t have to like someone to still love them (although it helps).  To love is to will what is best for the other.  And what is best for students who do all of these things to stop doing them. 

7.  I am passionate about the Truth.  
I am head over heels for Truth.  When people refuse to learn the Truth or act in the Truth, it squelches my passion.

8.  Unbalanced compensation.
The amount of work that teachers must do outside of the classroom is absolutely ludicrous, and I believe that they are not compensated justly.  AT ALL.  My first year teaching (not only teaching, but going to continuing education events and being coordinator of 4 extracurriculars), I made 26thous.  My first year as a youth minister?  SIGNIFICANTLY MORE.  And, lemme tell ya.  Teachers do a LOT MORE WORK than youth ministers (well, daily, anyways).

9.  I am not a morning person.  Most people aren’t either.

10.  PRIORITIES (of current students as I see them.  This was most frustrating as a YM):

Athletics

Social media

School (as a conduit of athletics)

School (as a social gathering)

Athletics

Athletics

Athletics

Other Extracurriculars

Education (as a way to fill time between athletics)

Faith (as long as it doesn’t conflict with the sports schedule)

And you know what?  It's completely unjustifiable.  It is absurd.  Parents need to teach their kids the right priorities.

11.  School is regarded as a social institution, not an educational institution.

12.  These videos (depending on what you click, there’s going to be a ton of vulgarity).

There are no words for this. 

13.  Longevity

Students like my personality, but few have actually had to deal with me over an extended period of time.  I think they’d much rather prefer me in short, sporadic bursts.  The feeling is mutual.

14.  I’m lazy.  
Well, not so much lazy as efficient.  I work smarter so I don’t have to work harder.

I like to find the “best” solution that works for me, and that’s the way I want it done.  Not all people can work that way, though, and that’s fine.  But, as a choleric, I want it done the best and quickest way, or I get frustrated.

15.  IMMODEST CLOTHING.

I can’t handle it.  Especially in Catholic schools or in youth ministry programs.  Or at Mass.  Or when we're in church.  Or doing a service project and being representatives of the Church.  What part of you’re worth waiting for don’t you understand?  The problem is that these girls don’t even HEAR that they’re beautiful half the time.  THEY NEED TO BE TOLD.  There was a girl putting on liquid foundation in homeroom some time ago, and I stopped her and told her to go to the bathroom to finish.  She said that she always did that in homeroom.  First of all, that’s ridiculous.  Secondly, the girl is GORGEOUS!  Between classes, I gushed to her about how beautiful she is and that she doesn’t need make up.  Gah!  13 years old!

16.  Ninjas in training.

Miss Jen might act silly, but she is not a fool.  She is not an idiot.  She can tell when people are lying to her or doing something behind her back.  Because of her experiences being bullied when she was a kid, she can hear her name in someone’s conversation in a noisy lunchroom and hone in on it.  Dealing with things like this frustrates and exhausts her.  On top of that, she feels disrespected.

17.  Wish-washy, feel-good faith/lack of solid catechesis/irreverence at Mass

Truth is Truth.  It doesn’t need to be watered-down, simplified, or made less confrontational.  It sure as heck doesn’t need to be whitewashed with “tolerance,” either.  God doesn’t need glitter; He’s God. Catholicism doesn’t need to be made cool; it is MIND.BLOWING.  Once our catechesis focuses less on what we do and how we feel about it and more on what Christ has actually done for us and continues to do for us, we’re going to have a generation of warrior Catholics willing to die for Truth (Sirach 4:28).



Now, don't get me wrong.  There are great days when everyone works hard, a student will remember my favorite word and use it around me, or another will come up and give me a high five because "Miss Jen, that's what you need right now."  But waiting for that glimmer of recognition or attention is far outweighed by how exhausted I feel after the bad days.  I wouldn't be able to do this every weekday for 10 months.

Yeah.  That about sums it up my entire experience of teaching and parish youth ministry so far.  I respect the heck out of school teachers.  They do something that I will never, ever do again.

Out.