Sleeping freshmen never lie: a novel

Thoughts on Sleeping freshmen never lie: a novel by David Lubar

Back cover reads:
"Starting high school is never easy. Seniors take your lunch money. Girls you've known forever are suddenly beautiful and unattainable. And you can never get enough sleep. Could there be a worse time for Scott's mother to announce she's pregnant? Scott decides high school would be a lot less overwhelming if it came with a survival manual, so he beings to write down tips for his new sibling. meanwhile, he's trying his best to capture the attention of Julia, the freshman goddess. In the process, Scott manages to become involved in nearly everything, from auditioning for the school play to running for student council to writing sports columns for the school paper. While he tries to find his place in the confusing world of high school, win Julia's heart, and keep his sanity, Scott will be recording all the details for his sibling's--and your--enjoyment."

Response:
If The Schwa Was Here made me laugh, this book made me wet my pants. not only does it focus on a word nerd who's obsessed with writing, it also features one of those insanely cool English teachers. I'm beginning to think that it's making its way into the archetypal category. The type of character that I've most often read about in adolescent literature is not even an adolescent. These books are filled with awesome English teachers! It really tells me that I have the capacity to completely make or break my students. To inspire their souls and dreams or wither their seemingly feeble little brains.

yeah.

The novel is stocked with wit beyond compare. I mean, he's writing a journal to his unborn brother, what could be funnier than that?! Phrases and paragraphs that will make you smirk and laugh out loud in public places where people will stare at you, raise an eyebrow, and shake their heads.

So ok. It focuses on Scott and his hellish experiences in high school. I don't know about you, fair reader, but I never really had any problems my freshman year with upperclassmen. They didn't beat you up or steal your lunch money. Most of them were just arrogant jerks who prejudged you, and you knew which ones to avoid. Perhaps it had something to do with the fact that I went to a Catholic high school, but I don't think there were many fights, if at all. I do remember almost chasing a kid down and trying to beat the hell out of him because he was being a dick, but one of my teachers talked me out of it.

I love high school. I love everything to do with high school. I love teenagers and their problems and their drama. I love the way they think, they way they see things, and the way they react to things. I miss Lincoln. :(

Ah well. Quotes from the Notes, and there are a plethora:
"At the first sight of her, even from a distance, I felt like I'd been stabbed in the gut with an icicle. I wanted to gather branches and build a shrine, or slay a mastodon and offer her the finest pieces, fresh from the hunt" (9).

"I need to do this now, while I'm still feeling benevolent. Benevolent... How's that for a great word? Which brings me to my first piece of advice: be careful with big words. People don't like show-offs. They don't like baby puke, either. So try to keep your food down, Okay?" (30).

"They stared at me like I'd just admitted I loved to eat crayons dipped in mayonnaise" (38).

"'How'd you get girls to notice you?'
'I never thought about it. I guess they just notice me. They'll notice you, too. You're a Hudson. We've got the power.' Right. They'll notice me. If I paint myself orange and glue hamsters to my shirt" (50).

"Up front, Mr. Franka was talking about similes, metaphors, and other descriptive language. [...] Julia nodded, sending the shaggy ends of her hair dancing like kids in a mosh pit. [...] Anyhow, time crawled along like a sleepwalking snail dragging a history book" (63). Love how he gives examples.

"Sheesh. What was the baby going to do? Fly out of the crib and crash headfirst into the shelves? Swallow a cinder block?" (77).

"From behind, it looked like his head was being swallowed by his shoulders" (85).

"Today Mr. Franka introduced the topic of stream-of-consciousness writing. That's where the writer sort of vomits the contents of his mind onto the page, just letting whatever comes flow out. Go out. Show out the prose and cons and all the twisty little pretzel bends of each through untaught in the belief that anyone else on the planet would want to read the spewings despite the fact that the writer didn't plan it but just kept going and going like a battery bunny banging a drum like the drum I wanted when I was five by got a toy clarinet instead which broke when I tried to use it to pry up a rock in the backyard next to the apple tree so I could bury my hurt feelings" (87). I write like this in my journal.

"This time, it wasn't thumping that woke me. It was the gentle whisper of a power sander. [...] And as for the flesh-eating ducks--you probably don't even want to hear about them" (89).

"Sometimes a dying snake is just a dying snake. Sometimes a leafless tree is just a tree" (107).

"You're probably laughing your head off at me while you're reading this. Your squishy, transparent, fishlike head with beady little black dots for eyes" (110).

"If 'music hath charms to soothe a savage beast,' then why are there so many hyperactive geeks in the band?" (123). HEH

"She'd gelled her hair into tons of tiny spikes, which made her head look like some sort of dangerous green vegetable of the sort that was always trying to kill the Mario Brothers. [...] I wish she'd never loaned me the book. When people do favors for you, life gets complicated" (139).

"Friday, when I woke up, I felt like someone had packed my muscles with ground glass" (143).

"He enjoyed the way his teacher was able to take a story apart without killing it. Mr. Franka was definitely a surgeon and not an assassin" (205).

Scott Hudson's List of Good Things About Getting Beaten Up:

1. You don't have to wait until nighttime to enjoy the stars.
2. It's a great way to make sure your blood clots properly.
3. Bruises break up the monotony of an ordinary complexion.
4. It's sort of fun to think about how much his fist must hurt.
5. It's nice to know there really is a use for frozen peas.
   (247-248)